One of the few feelings that are universal among humans, is the feeling of nervousness before a first date. We tend to place a lot of expectations on first dates, wanting to put our best foot forward and impress the person we are going on a date with, while also imagining the possibilities should things go well. 

This can result in you not expressing yourself in a way you would have liked, and perhaps causing the date to not go as well as you’d hoped. So, what do we do about those first date nerves?

Reasons for Nervousness

There are many reasons why someone may feel nervous when going on a date. As mentioned above, they may have pre-determined high expectations for the date; they may fear judgment from the other person, wondering whether or not they’re good enough, and many people generally feel nervous whenever they are entering into a new situation or meeting a person for the first time, even if they may have chatted online beforehand. 

Remember to Breathe 

This may feel like the hardest thing to do, but it is also the most important, as this helps with the other tips on this list. 

Just breathe. Practicing mindfulness – a type of meditation that describes the act of simply accepting one’s current circumstances without judgment – can be hugely helpful. Recognize how you’re feeling, and understand what is going to happen in practical terms. You are going to go to a location with someone, talk with them, and then go home. Or whatever your plans are. Simply understanding the facts of the situation can make things less daunting. 

Also, be kind to yourself. Everyone gets nervous on first dates, so beating yourself up over it won’t help you. 

Exercise

When we get super nervous, we may often find that we have pent-up energy that we need to get out. Try going for a walk or participating in a bit of exercise to help release this jittery energy. This way, you will be better able to focus on the date itself without fidgeting all the time. Just remember to shower and clean up after you exercise.  

Talk to Someone… or Yourself

You may also find that talking to someone about your nerves may help calm you. The other person, as an unbiased outsider, can help put your feelings into perspective, and can also act as a voice of encouragement so that you don’t let your mind wander to negative thoughts. 

You can also practice positive self-talk, either out loud or in your head. Try to replace any negative thoughts that you may have about yourself with positive ones instead.

Prepare Accordingly

If you’re the type of person who feels better if they can plan things in advance, you can prepare conversation topics, and think about what you actually want from the date, be it a soulmate, long-term relationship, or a short-term relationship. When you understand what you want, you can better understand what you want to talk about. 

Practically, if you have any habits that you know may have negative consequences, (such as a tendency to accidentally spill on yourself), make sure that the date activity, as well as what you wear, will ensure that this doesn’t turn into a super embarrassing moment. Also, remember to present yourself well physically, dress appropriately for the event, and make sure your hygiene is on point. 

Finally, avoid consuming any substances that may make you more nervous, such as sugar, caffeine, and alcohol.

Be Reasonable 

As mentioned at the beginning, we tend to put a lot of expectations on dates and what we want out of them. But without a time machine or crystal ball, you have no way of knowing how things will go. Remember, this may not be the person you spend the rest of your life with. And that’s ok! Plenty of dates end this way, and it’s not the end of the world. 

This is a learning experience. You’re here to hear your date’s story, about their life and who they are, and they are here to learn the same things about you. All you can expect from the date is conversation, so focus on that rather than anything that might come afterwards. 

Lauren Schwartz | Contributing Writer