While we often paint jealousy as an emotion that we should get rid of, jealousy, like all emotions, can help give us insight into our own lives and what we feel we may be missing. The problem with jealousy is that when left unchecked, it can cause us to act in irrational ways, damaging relationships and allowing insecurities to fester and grow. So, how we approach and manage jealousy is incredibly important.
Common Causes of Jealousy
Typically, jealousy comes from a place of insecurity. Maybe you’re worried about losing someone or something that’s important to you. Perhaps you’re feeling insecure about perceived shortcomings in your own life, or like someone else found success too easily while you’ve faced countless struggles. Maybe you’re projecting past experiences onto the behaviour of someone new. Whatever it may be, keep in mind that the underlying cause of jealousy is always you.
Solutions for Dealing with Jealousy
- ‘In the Moment’ Coping Mechanisms
It’s important to find ways to manage jealous feelings when they come up, so we don’t act on them in an unhealthy way. It’s easier to process our feelings after the fact when we have a clearer head. You can do this by removing yourself from the situation and taking a walk, or focusing on other tasks or people.
- Pinpoint Moment of Jealousy
Try to pinpoint the moment that made you jealous. Was it someone announcing a new relationship, while you’ve been single for a while? Is it your partner being friends with someone who makes you uncomfortable?
- Identify Insecurity
What’s going on in your life that may have caused these negative feelings? Is it fear of falling behind? Past trauma? Feelings of inadequacy? Focus on what it is and how that relates to your own life, because chances are, you don’t actually want what someone else has.
- Bigger Picture
Many times, when we feel jealous it’s because we are looking at an idealized version of someone else. Instead, consider that what you’re seeing may not tell the full story, and that it’s often necessary to take a step back and consider how this is just one aspect of their life, and not the full picture.
- Personal Values
Identify what it is that you want in life, and determine if the thing you’re jealous over fits your vision. It’s also important to review your own positive traits and values and remember them in times of jealousy, keeping track of the things that are actually important to you.
- Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a form of meditation that helps you become aware of your feelings and behavioural patterns, and helps you to allow these feelings to pass without judgment. Mindfulness can help you feel calm and understand better what it is that makes you feel jealous, so you can constructively work towards managing these feelings in a healthy way.
- New Spin
Rather than allowing jealousy to turn into a negative spiral, see it as a source of inspiration to improve. That you already have so much, and if you are feeling jealous of someone, is this a sign that this is something you should be working towards?
- Talk to Person You’re Jealous of
If your feelings of jealousy are caused by another person, particularly a romantic partner or friend, speak to that person. Try to bring up the topic when you both have lots of time to talk, and use “I” statements. The other person may not even be aware that their behaviour is causing you to feel insecure, and can help you understand each other a little better.
- Talk to a Trusted Person
If your feelings of jealousy stem from a complex source, or you’re having trouble self-managing, talk to a mental health professional or other trusted person. They can help walk you through ways of managing your feelings that are specific to your circumstances, all while in a safe environment.
- Gratitude
Chances are, you also have good things going on in your life, and you have many qualities that are good and are unique to you. When you’re feeling low, remember these things. You still have your own strengths, skills, and dreams that are well worth celebrating.
Lauren Schwartz | Staff Writer
