Being in a relationship is a great sensation, yet it can come with problems. We are only human, and it is natural for couples to bicker, considering how much time they spend with each other. However, focus on the positives of your relationship, the background to as how you first fell in love in the first place. Your current relationship had to stem from a starting point, and that is what needs to be emphasized whenever you experience harsh conflicts with each other. Here, we will look into the best methods to ensure peace and harmony with each other, and learn when and how to apply them, effectively and appropriately. 

Time-Out

Many people tend to get lost in anger, their emotions clouding their judgement and blinding them to their actions. For example, you and your partner are vacationing in a motel, and your girlfriend is in charge of packing the room, while you take care of other things. Halfway through the trip, she says she forgot your heirloom object (let’s say, a watch) and you get upset that she forgot it while packing, even though you constantly reminded her. This is a scenario where both of you can blame each other, but this in turn leads to more conflict. This is futile, as is all fighting, so it is best to look into a peaceful resolution. They should turn back and get the watch, in a calm manner. If need be, take the trip in silence, cooling off and finding the right words to say to each other afterwords. Interestingly enough, time outs were originally used for children, but it can be applied to adults as well, showing that we can still apply what we learned growing up. The time-out method allows for reassessment and a chance to make up. 

Understanding and Validating 

Put aside your anger and look at each other for understanding, even if furious. The key to understanding each other is validating and maintaining a clear voice with each other. Speak to each other (after getting the angry words out) and ask what the basis of the conflict is. You should also ask yourselves if this argument is worth this relationship. Look at each other in the eye, and put aside your ego; admit you were wrong about the argument’s topic in question and if need be, one of you has to be the ‘bigger person’ and apologize. Validate your true feelings and what you think is important. This is important for clearing your minds and focusing on the future ahead.

You are Not Enemies

When you are in a conflict with someone, you usually observe them as an enemy. But you should never see your partner as such, you are not competitors, you had to have been interested in each other at the first time you met and started dating. Recall these pleasant moments with each other, and work out your problems with ease, remembering the feelings of love. Love is a great emotion that encompasses you with happiness, and convey that emotion into positive acts.  This is a great reminder that love is more powerful than hate; see the person you love or once loved to make sure you do not forsake such an important feeling and state of being. It’s best to have someone in your life.  

After rationalizing the basis of the conflict, move on. If the conflict left an impact, see a psychologist and a couple’s therapist to assist in your recovery. Outside help is nothing to be ashamed about, it is natural and common for people to look for help from others. It could also depend on how long you two have been in a relationship, as time takes its toll on your attitude and patience. In short, there are many methods in which you can overcome conflict with each other, but remember that it might take a while or help from a third party. Holding a grudge can be unhealthy for your mental health, so forget about it and move on in your relationship. And remember, love is important to you.

Babak Eslami | writer