According to #1 New York Times bestselling author of ‘The 5 Love Languages’: The Secret to Love, Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 basic love languages on which all our various unique love languages are based. These include, Words of affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality time, and Physical touch. Dr. Chapman surmises that we must first learn what is important to our spouse because only then can we give them what they want. In other words, love language is expressing love in ways that are different to you but how your loved one wants to receive it. Basically, we must first learn their language, then try to understand and speak it, only then are we able to love them effectively and they in turn feel truly loved.
Here’s a compilation of ten different examples through which we can express love based on these five basic love languages. However, while some people are already able to tell what gives them the most joy, for others though, they might need help identifying theirs. This is essential for your loved one to be able to learn, understand, and thus express it.
Acts of Service:
- Loving and Caring
Your love language might be loving and caring when your loved one must drive you to and from work daily because of your anxiety with driving due to a past traumatic experience involving a stranger. Another example would be when you’re experiencing major stress and being in the arms of your loved one makes the stress less relevant or dissipates entirely.
When your mother is in the hospital, and your partner runs across town from the office to spend time with her because it’d mean the world to you. When you just had a baby and they decide to do everything from cooking, and taking care of the baby so you can get the most needed rest. Your deep response to an act of love is a sure way to discovering your love language.
When you come home and heads straight to the kitchen to fix yourself a meal before anything else, you’re obviously a foodie and would prefer a good meal waiting when you walk through the doors. A partner who understands this would ensure a good meal, perhaps, your favourite awaits you every time.
When you respond to receiving the littlest form of generosity with deep expressions of gratitude, this could be your love language. Examples would be situations whereby your partner takes care of everything that needs to be done around the house, or tips generously at the restaurant because they know it matters to you as a former server.
When your partner stands up for you when needed, and protects you from outside forces, or you feel the most safe when you’re with them. If this is the one act that makes you forgive all their other flaws, this could be our love language which thankfully they understand. Also, when they initiate touches like massages because they know how deeply it makes you feel, they’re speaking your love language.
- Provision: when your need for provision is not met exactly the way and when you want it, and you wish for it to be so above all else; this could be your love language. It need not be expensive, but your loved one making an extra effort to provide this is what counts.
When all you want is for your loved one to switch off all their gadgets and give you their undivided attention when you need it most is a love language that needs to be understood to be expressed effectively.
Affirmation and Praise:
- To be heard
When you’re the sort of person who wants their concerns and opinions to be put into consideration in decision making.
- Understanding: when you regret a decision and wish for more than anything that your partner empathises rather than criticizes. Or you wish for them to see reasons why you do not want to take that trip to their mother’s place now.
- Encouragement: when your loved one encourage and stand by you even when others don’t see your value or worth, either on a project or anything else.
To conclude, your love language is both for you and also how you express love to others. Also, to flip the coin, what makes your partner the most happy when you do it is their love language. You might not necessarily be predisposed to doing that thing, but you still sacrifice time, energy and effort to do it, you understand their love language and choose to express it.
Gladys Christian | Staff Writer