How to Settle an Argument with Your Partner


Spring 2024

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Conflict will undoubtedly arise in any relationship; arguments and spats are part of any typical relationship. Nevertheless, how you handle them can impact your relationship. Instead of viewing such spats negatively, try to view them as learning opportunities to get to know your partner better. 

Nevertheless, it can be challenging to view them as learning opportunities when your blood pressure is up, and your tolerance level is wavering. Consider a few strategies to help you settle an argument peacefully. 

Listen Empathetically

Listening to your partner is the first step in calming down the tension. If you view the conflict through your loved one’s eyes, you are more likely to be empathetic. The first step in listening involves patiently waiting for your partner to finish talking and then asking questions to clarify their feelings. Sometimes just saying, “I understand how you feel,” can profoundly calm the tension. 

Don’t Lash Out

Silence is a speech. When anger flares up, sometimes the best thing you can do is to keep quiet. Granted, that might be challenging and might take a lot of effort on your part. Psychologists discourage couples from telling each other what to do in such situations. 

When anger flares up and escalates into a fight, the best thing to do is take your leave. Communicating respectfully by letting your partner know you need a moment to calm down to process what is being said or calmly walking away is helpful.

Find Time for Constructive Conversations

If an argument transitions into a fight, find a suitable time to approach the topic again peacefully. This will give you a chance to gather your thoughts and feelings and carefully plan what you want to say rationally. 

Instead of using this as an opportunity to bicker, allow your partner to express their feelings before you interrupt. Scheduling one-on-one heartfelt conversations with your partner to address issues and concerns can impact your relationship positively. 

Get to the Root Cause of the Problem

Do not ask your partner for anything you are not willing to do first. If you want your partner to be calmer or more patient, point to your own behaviour as an example. It is also essential to express your feelings openly. You should never expect your partner to know what you are feeling; instead, be frank and express your feelings. 

Establish an Environment of Love

Love is the antidote to hatred and the prerequisite to solving conflicts. Sometimes the best way to express love is by letting go of anger and resentment. With that understanding comes forgiveness and compassion, two essential qualities to resolve disagreements. 

Finally, never underestimate the power of an apology. When apologizing, tactfully explain the reason behind your apology; instead of using the word “but,” explain how you will avoid such behaviour in the future. 

Constant fights, overheated conversations, and arguments spiraling out of control are all signs of an unhealthy relationship. For your relationship to succeed, you need to be on the same page with your partner on several issues; seeing eye to eye will help you handle future conflicts successfully. 

If you feel that your relationship needs immediate attention, seek the help of a marriage or couples counsellor. 

Aaron Levinson | Staff Writer

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