The high suicide rate afflicting young transgendered people is often the result of the rejection they experience from their families after coming out. Parents whose child has come out as trans should see this as an opportunity to support their child, so that they do not feel unwanted or experience any additional stress, while also treating it as a learning opportunity.

Reminding your child that your love is unconditional is an important first step. Then, take the time to speak with them about how they’re feeling and what you can do to help them. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, as some children might want a little extra space while others may ask for additional support. As is always the case with parenting, your job is to listen and help however possible, but there is also a lot more you can do to provide a safe environment and the most support possible. 

Take the Time to Educate Yourself

Before making any big gestures, you should equip yourself with an understanding of what being trans means and how your behaviour might positively or negatively affect your child moving forward. Educating yourself can also help you differentiate which claims are based on scientific evidence and which are often used for political reasons or to proliferate lies about the trans community. A great approach is to only use trustworthy resources offed by organizations that work with the trans community.

The education process is also useful to understand the critical role that supporting your trans child can have on their confidence and mental health. By taking the time and relying on credible sources, you can better comprehend your role in supporting your child while also creating the welcoming and safe home life they need. Ultimately, education will better prepare you to support your trans child, advocate on their behalf and understand what they are going through.

Always Use Their Preferred Pronouns and Chosen Name

Being careful about using your child’s preferred pronouns and chosen name is imperative, even if it will take some getting used to. It’s as simple as asking your child what pronouns they prefer and what name they go by. Don’t panic if you slip up and accidentally misgender them or call them the wrong name. It happens, and the key is to acknowledge it and apologize. Another important strategy is to always refer to your child by their chosen name and pronouns to other people, especially family members, close family friends and teachers. This will help others become acquainted with your child’s preferences and become familiar with how to address them.

This might sound minor, but it can produce a wide and long ripple effect and will show your child that they are respected and heard. 

Stay Calm and Rational 

Whenever a child makes a big announcement to a parent, the innate reaction is for the parent to become overly emotional. While there’s no suggestion that you shouldn’t have some emotional reaction, and underplaying the moment can backfire, it’s best to remain calm. Remember, you’re a supporting player in your child’s journey. 

Try decentering yourself from the situation and emphasize listening. One approach is to remind your child that you are available to be a sounding board for their feelings. You want to reiterate that the line of communication between you and them is always open. 

Become an Advocate

A productive use of a trans parent’s time could be to become an advocate for trans rights. This can help you better understand your child and contribute to safer schools, workplaces and social settings. Consider getting involved in pflag Canada, which was founded by parents and provides a supportive community for 2SLGBTQ+ people and their families and are dedicated advocates for equal and fair treatment. Other organizations like Trans Wellness Ontario and Skipping Stone are always looking for volunteers. 

Furthermore, getting involved in advocacy can introduce you to other parents in similar situations. This way, you can create your own support network and join an inclusive community that can help you better understand your child and provide advice based on experience.  

A Parent Can Never Be Too Supportive

A child coming out as trans is a watershed moment for the child and their parents, but there’s no reason to overact. Even if you’re being forced to navigate unfamiliar territory, there are many strategies you can take to be as supportive as possible so that your child feels loved and protected.

Rob Shapiro | Contributing Writer